2 am Thoughts

Remember when you were a little kid and someone would tell you they loved you and you just said it back? Without any thought about what it meant, because you didn’t know what it meant. You were just a kid who didn’t know anything about the word love. And you got older and kids started using it on the playground at recess or at the lunch table with their friends. “I love him so much”, they would say and no one really put too much thought into those words because you were still just a kid and didn’t have a clue what love was. And then you’re in middle school trying to fit in and find your way, and the “I love you”‘s turn into “I want someone to love me”. Someone to make me feel like I fit in and belong. And again, no one put much thought into this because you were only in middle school and you “shouldn’t know what love is in middle school”.  And then you’re in high school and you find that one boy. That one boy who makes you smile at the sound of his name. When he walks in a room your stomach gets butterflies because you don’t know what to say to him. When he smiles you get so happy and so warm inside. He becomes your boyfriend and he makes you the happiest you’ve ever been. You say you love him, but how do you know you love him? When does a person know they love someone? Is it when the butterflies turn into calming sensations because you’re better when you’re with him? Or is it when you can’t get him off of your mind and he’s all you think about all of the time? I have yet to figure this out. And maybe it’s because no one ever told me what love is. No one ever told me that love was wonderful and magical and I’d find it one day with that one special person. No one ever told me that love was terrifying and could tear me apart so easily. Growing up, no one talks about that. You just say you love someone and no one thinks about it. But when does the love stop? From the time you think you love someone, to the time you don’t, what happens? Can a person just stop loving someone? No one ever told me that either. Does love go away when he stops texting you as much as he once did, or when he doesn’t make plans with you as often as he once did? Or when you find yourself being the only one trying so hard to keep everything together between the two of you and him not caring? Or when you find yourself crying every day because of the boy you love? I don’t know when you can just stop loving someone. But I do know this, love can destroy you. 4 letters. 4 simple, easy letters have the power to tear you down completely and make you question everything you thought you knew about love. And you get to the point when you’re laying in bed at 2 in the morning wondering where you went wrong. Wondering if love was ever a wonderful thing. And that’s where I think I’m at. Love. The 4 simple letters that have me holding on so tightly, but wanting to let go at the same time.

 

Photo Attributed to:

“Broken” by Geralt is licensed to share under CCO Public Domain

Love

Love is a confusing thing. Love can make your whole life, and destroy it at the same time. I am a firm believer that no one has just one love. Someone can come in your life and make you see why the other love you once had, didn’t work. People change, feelings change, love changes. A person can crave a certain type of love at one point in their life and crave another type of love at a different point in their life. Love is confusing, but I couldn’t imagine living without it.

The Election

Everyone is talking about it so I guess I will too. People need to stop and grow up. I do not get why everyone was/is so worked about about the election. I personally did not care who won. I’m not into politics and all that. They both were terrible choices to even start with. America should be ashamed that those two are the best we have to offer our country. It honestly disgusts me. People just need to stop talking about it. Okay rant over.

Cell Phones

Cell phones have a huge impact on everyone’s life. I use my phone every day. Everyone these days have a phone, even little kids have phones! I can not imagine what my life would be like without a phone. I do not want to see what that would look like. I would be bored all of the time and never would be able to talk to my friends and boyfriend and make plans. I am a wreck when I don’t have my phone and I get really mean and have an attitude. It is not good. Phones have come a long way and they still have a long way to go.

 

 

Picture Credits:
“Cellphone” by skeeze is shared via CCO Public Domain

Mean Girls

Teenage girls can be so mean. Most of us are. I personally do not think of myself as mean, I try to help people whenever I can. Some girls are just downright rude and mean. They give dirty looks to girls who may not dress the same as them or who don’t play a sport or who don’t look like them. I do not get why some girls have to act this way. A person should not have to walk down the hallway at school and feel like they are being judged. They should not have to worry about what the “popular” girls are going to think of their outfit or what they look like. The “popular” girls, in my eyes, shouldn’t be popular. Their mean and say hurtful things to such nice people. I truly can not stand mean girls.

 

Picture Credits:
“Mean Girls” by Wikimedia via Creative Commons license

Sisters

I have a 13 year old sister and a 7 year old sister. I barely see my 7 year old sister because she lives with my mom. My 13 year old sister though, Abby, lives with me at my dad’s house and is constantly doing whatever she can to be like me. She’s always taking my clothes and wanting me to do her makeup and hair. It gets annoying pretty quick. The worst part of it though, she does anything in her power to make sure that if I do something wrong, our parents know about it. Which is very annoying and to say the least, mean. She will do this and then the next hour want to hangout or want something of mine. Which is also annoying, but I really do not know what I would do without having a sister like Abby.

 

Picture Credit:
“My first tatts with my beloved sister” by Lynac via CC2.0

 

Future Life Goals

I’ve always had the same goal since I can remember. Become a teacher, get married, have children. People always look at me weird when I tell them that. “You are 16, you don’t need to be thinking about kids”. I don’t want kids now by any means, but I want them in the future and I don’t think my wanting of kids and a husband and a family is such a bad goal. I love the whole family aspect of life. I love the whole being a mom and wife idea. I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I was a little kid. I personally do not think anything will make me change my goals and the things I want to do with my life and I am proud to say that I have my whole life planned out.

 

Picture Credits:
“Family” by Pixabay via CCO Public Domain

Expectations of High schoolers

The expectation of high schoolers these days is insane. I’m 16 years old and I always am stressing out about something. That shouldn’t happen in my eyes. Teenagers shouldn’t have to wake up and go to bed stressed out every single day. I personally don’t mind going to school, yes I would much rather not go, but I don’t mind it, but when some kids have physical anxiety attacks when it comes to going to school, that should be enough of a sign to people that something is wrong. Teens should not have to be so worried about multiple different things that it affects their school work. Most teenagers have to try and find time for school, a job, working out, playing a sport, spending time with family, hanging out with friends, and spending time with a boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s difficult trying to find time for everything and I personally think high schoolers are asked for way too much.